Aidric, 6 Months

Dear Aidric,
You are becoming so independent. You can sit up all by yourself, move around quite a bit, and play by yourself for a while. But you still need me. You need to know where I am at all times. You are my little chubby warden.




This past month you finally met your Grandpa and Grandma Bristol. Grandma Shirley made you that incredible quilt that you play on everyday. It didn't take you long to fall in love with them. Your favorite game was to grab Grandpa's hat off his head and throw it down. You are so lucky to have so many Grandparents who love you so much.





And this past month your only Great Grandma passed away. I am so happy that you two were able to meet at Christmas time. Great Grandma kept your picture next to her until her last day. She was an elegant, lovely lady with a fiery temper and truly giving nature. She saved every piece of tin foil, neatly folded in a drawer. I'm sure she only ever bought one box of tin foil back in 1955. I love that kind of determination.



And this past month has been one of perfecting your skills. No real new milestones, but I see you delighting in your growing ability to move yourself around. You are now a dizzying tornado baby, rolling, scooting, revolving, twisting, and falling. It's no wonder. Your head is so massive compared to the rest of you. You get excited, arch back, and BONK. We surround you with pillows, and somehow you manage to fall back in between them all for the 2 seconds we turn around. I can see the crawling instinct developing, and I am scared shitless. Why do people keep telling me it gets easier? I can still put you somewhere and know you will still be in the same general location when I get back from the bathroom. What do I do when you start crawling?
You want to touch, grab, taste, and throw every single thing you see, in that order. You love paper cups, remotes, paper of any kind (yummy),and cel phones. You try to 'drink' out of bottles and cups.



Your little body had become so strong and able. You try to move about, lifting up with your arms, and frantically kicking your legs like a swimming frog on speed. You end up moving backwards, backing up into things. Then you use that leverage and brace your feet, push your arms, and you are butt-up and squealing with delight. And I have a stroke.



You have started to get your belly up off the floor, and balance for a few seconds on your hands and knees before sliding back down. From a seated position you lurch forward and almost get to the hands and knees position again. When you figure out how to do that, I think our lives will change. And the baby-proofing will frantically commence.

You love to eat. No wonder, as your Daddy and I love, love, love food and don't know how to stop eating it. You love everything we have tried: sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches, pears, peas, cereal, avocado, bananas, and plums. When you see me making your food, you flip out, start squawking, reaching up, and flapping your arms. Much the same way I get when the Ben and Jerry's is softening on the counter. You have resumed your practice of the cutest babbling and singing. I can even hear you talking to yourself when you wake up.




You are still teething, and this past week it must have been really tormenting you. You didn't want to nap, and last night you couldn't sleep. I rocked you til my arms were numb, watching your sweet face contort and finally relax. Watching you fall asleep is the most amazing experience. I fall in love all over again each time.
We made some major changes in your sleeping arrangements. Before, you napped on me. Either strapped to my chest while we walked and walked and walked outside, sometimes for hours. Or you slept on my lap. We did this for months. I knew this needed to change because neither of us were benefiting from it. You were not sleeping very soundly, and I needed to have some autonomy. And you were waking up frequently at night. It was time to teach you haw to sooth yourself to sleep, so you could know that falling asleep is something you can do for yourself.
So now you sleep in your crib. You sleep for 8 to 9 hours at night and take naps there during the day (if you decide to). I never thought I would be saying that. You are so much happier now. You are so strong willed that I know your sleeping will always be work, but I don't feel so helpless now. It has been a huge and wonderful thing for me. I can now be a better Mom to you.

I love looking back on the past 6 months and seeing this sweet evolution of our bond. I think I will always be astounded by the miraculous growth of your mind, body and spirit. I think it will always feel like you are still in my belly, even when I see you scooting around. I think you will amaze me every day for the rest of our time together. When you were a newborn, you slept right next to me and I heard every single breath, hiccup, cough, sneeze, and sound you made. I would wake up out of a sound sleep for every one. It felt like an electric jolt going through my whole body. If you cried out I would get this adrenaline rush too.
Even now that you are in your crib, I still have the same phenomenon happening. I end up lying there, fully awake, waiting for your next noise.

Everything I imagined about being your Mommy is nothing like it actually is. It's so much more. I thought it would be like before, but with this incredible, helpless person with me. I didn't know that having you meant I would be reborn and helpless too. I have to find my place in this world again and figure out how to exist with so much of me captivated and invested in you. But I can't imagine it any other way.

I love you,

Mommy