Thursday, December 11, 2008

Aidric, Four Months

Hey, Little Man, you are four months old. We just went to Dr. Boxtein today. You have had quite a growth spurt. At your two month visit Dr. Boxtein looked serious as he said you were at the very bottom of your percentile chart. I noticed on one of the bills the notes said 'failure to thrive'. That phrase hurt. I know you are happy and thriving. Well, at least now nobody can say you are failing at thriving. At 17 weeks you were 14 pounds, 26 1/2 inches long, and your head is 16 1/2 inches around. Way to go! I am happy all those night feedings weren't for nothing. You still sleep right next to me, but pretty soon you will move to your crib simply because you hardly fit in the bassinet anymore. The crib will be about five feet away, but it will seem so far. I won't be able to reach over to touch you, or look over to see your sleeping face. And, oh, you have started to gurgle and coo for a while when you wake up. I lie there and smile, waiting for you to need me.

This past month you have really discovered your hands and feet. You grab anything you can reach with a bionic kung fu grip, and you do not let go. Grab, grab, grab. There is not one waking moment when you are NOT grabbing and holding something. Your favorite thing to grab is my hair, with Daddy's chest hair a close second. I am so amazed at how well you can reach out and grasp something with such accuracy. I think you have better depth perception than I. Of course whatever you have grabbed you bring to your mouth to investigate. We have started reading little books, and you turn the pages. I nearly fell over.

I am pretty sure an international declaration was made that a baby holding his own feet is the cutest thing on earth. You do that too.

We went to visit Christy, Dave and Hadley last month. You were so good on the plane rides. And you have a huge crush on Christy now. I knew you would though. She has that effect on a lot of people. It was fabulous - hanging out with my best friend in the whole wide world and our new families. While we were there we put you into Hadley's playseat. You had never seen anything like that before. At first you seemed overwhelmed, but soon got it. When we got home we put you in your very own playseat. Now you have a jumparoo. And once you realized you could jump up and down, you have never been so psyched! Now you squeal with delight.

Speaking of squealing, your vocabulary has really blossomed to include some very loud outbursts. You even startle yourself. Every day sees you becoming more of an expert at grabbing and holding. I love seeing your world expand with your new abilities. I can tell you are seeing so much more too. You drink it all in tirelessly and always seem to want more, more, more. Needless to say, getting you to nap is still a challenge.

You love to go outside. I can tell when we have been inside for a while, and you just get antsy. You definitely get that from me. Which reminds me - you are now looking more like me this month. Probably the chubbier cheeks. Your hair has been slowly falling out, and new hair is growing in. I think it looks like a dark blonde. Of course, I think you are so very adorable and gorgeous and beautiful. People say that baby boys are more affectionate than girls. I don't like generalizations like that, but you are really very sweet and love to get kisses and hugs. I love how you relax and melt into me when I pick you up.

This past month for me has given me a new perspective. I have had a few moments of seeing you differently. Like when you are in your jumparoo or sitting in your chair, when you are totally engaged in what you are doing. You don't need me there for a few minutes. I talk to you, and you look up and smile so big, and then turn back around to your toy. I walk into the kitchen and feel different than before. Then I will watch you learn how to manipulate a new toy so quickly, deftly moving it in your hands, and I think of how just a few weeks ago you could hardly even grab things. I stand there in awe, and then feel so proud and a little sad that you are changing so fast. I know you still need to know I am there, but you have taken that very first tiny step of independence.

I love you so much,
Mommy, Mom, Mummy, Momma.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Aidric, 3 Months

Wow! Three months old. And it has been a year from zygote to now. Your conceiv-iversary. You have had your first Halloween and went to vote with us at a history making election. I am so proud that this country is so keyed up to work towards a better future for you. I know that your Daddy and I are going to work even that much more to keep you safe, happy, and prosperous.

Don't worry, Obama won!

There have been so many amazing new fun things this past month. You are so smiley, and you give smiles away now to new faces, not just mine and Daddy's. And there is a definite gleeful little giggle now accompanying these smiles. I hope you someday experience the kind of heart bursting, intoxicating happiness I feel when you smile at me.

You still love to talk and tell great stories about which I never tire of hearing. Now you like to interject a lot of loud 'GAH's and 'HEH's, I assume to express your excitement over your ever expanding awareness. It is so exciting. I wish I could remember what it's like - to see trees and flowers and clouds for the very first time. You have discovered the cats, watching them and following their movements, keeping a curious and delighted look. Even smiling at their furry faces. You like to stare at the walls and ceilings, smiling at corners and lightbulbs. Or maybe you are seeing your spirit guides and guardian angels, while they whisper to you how much you are loved. You still do not like your swing very much, but you now like your bouncy chair where you can talk to your frog and grab and kick the duck. You're still not sure about the vibrating part.

Frog and Duck

You are also getting so strong and big. You have now more than doubled your birth weight. You just started moving your legs in a crawling way in tummy time. You inch forward from the force, but your arms don't keep up, and you face plant yourself because you end up on top of your arms. I think it's so cute, but you would rather be right side up. You are an expert now at rolling over from your tummy to your back. So cool.
The most fun thing is you just found your hands. They have found each other too. I find you rolling your hands over each other, and I can't stop myself from going,"Mwaa-ha-ha-ha!" You can grasp things now, like my pinkie, your duck rattle, even your own thigh and adorable little unmentionables. Every day you gain more control over your hands. When you see something you reach your hand slowly, get very focused, and grab your goal with the most amazed look. Just the other night, while I was nursing you, I was watching The Daily Show and felt something tickle my chin. I looked down, and you were looking at me and gently touching my face. I was paralyzed with emotion. Little Man, I can't describe how that made me feel. Thanks.

I still have not been able to get you to nap. Last month I tried to convince myself that it's just the way you are and that's that. But I still need to get us on some kind of schedule. Having a nice routine is the best way for you to feel safe and content. But after a month of trying, I still can't get you to fall asleep and/or stay asleep on any consistent basis. And now I am afraid of having any bad habits(like letting you sleep on boppy while nursing) stick. I am ashamed to admit the times I have buried my face in pillows to scream and cry out of frustration and exhaustion. After having put you down and picked you up, and put you down again and again. After the hours of rocking and walking to have you sleep for 20 minutes. There are many days that I have done little else. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I am not doing that I should. I just want to do the best for you, and not getting you to nap feels like a painful failure. I am so sorry, my sweet baby boy. It's so hard not to go down the road of self blame. Why do other Moms seem to have such an easier time? I wish I could say that I can get you to sleep, but most of the time I can't. But I will not give up.

If I had to sum up this past month, I guess it would be that I feel more familiar with you and your personality, and more familiar with being a Mom. I have relaxed a bit, letting you hang out in your chair for a little while so I can shower or eat. I felt too guilty to do that before. I feel more confident what your body language, cries, and little sounds mean. I feel I know how to avoid a meltdown if caught in time. I can see your great personality already. When you sigh after your big yawn and when you do a little pre-sneeze sneezelet. When you babble a bit when you wake up and fuss. Especially when you carry on excited conversations with your frog. You are loving the outdoors and walks. If you get cranky, going outside usually does the trick. Looking forward to finding and nurturing more of your personality.

Being your Mom is such a privilege. I think you are an old soul and you picked us for some reason. I feel I have a lot to learn from knowing you, Old Soul. Even though I know my days of screaming into pillows, showerless days, and cold meals have only begun, I don't care, I will do everything I can to be the Mommy you deserve.

I love you,


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Aidric, Month Two


You are two months old! And again, it is all going way too fast. But I feel now that I am a little more rested and focused, so my time with you is even more intensely wonderful. Maybe because I am a little, teeny bit less confused about what your cries and sounds mean, I feel better connected with you. Yes, that is what this month has really meant: a new connection. You went from being connected to me physically by being part of my body, to a month of either sleeping not more that 18 inches away, attached to my breast, or nodding off in my arms. But now, when you look us in the eye, you react by smiling, waving your arms and legs like wild, and making these soul caressing sounds. You started smiling right before you were 5 weeks old. When I thought it would be impossible to be any more in love with you, you smile, and a new world record in loving is made.

You now watch us talk so intently, and then mimic us in your own little sentences. I can tell you love doing this; Your eyes light up and you kick your legs and reach out with your arms. Then you look back at my face for more. You have a whole little vocabulary now of sounds. When you are bored or wonder where I went, you let out a loud "GAH!" I call it your warning. It means, "Someone better come here right now!" You now weave your 'hn-gee', 'ah-hoo', and 'a-gow' into new sounds and sentences. So amazing. I sing 'I love you' from Paul McCartney's Silly Love Song, and you sing it back to me. Bliss.

You are still not a big fan of tummy time, but you are getting really good at pushing yourself back over to your back. Now I prop you up on the boppy and put a mirror in front of you. You like that. You can hold your head up pretty well for some time, but then you need a rest.

We have started to go out too. Our first trip out other than doctors' visits was to Trader Joe's, and you were just fine. And we went to see Daddy at work one day. You were not so happy that day. Luckily, you love to go for walks with us, and now that the weather outside is finally less of a furnace, we can actually go out. Both of us have just been a sweaty mess since you were born. I have been looking forward to cooler weather so we can put you in the Moby wrap or the sling. Plus, you look so adorable wearing jammies.

You don't nap as much as you are expected to, but I think it's just part of who you are. So we just hang out, walk, talk, and play all afternoon. I certainly don't mind, as I have learned to read you better. I get to witness all these developments, big or small. Like how you 'point' with your index finger now, or how your hair is getting lighter. I watched you slowly and deliberately bring your hand to your mouth, pull it back, and then pull it close again. You little genius. You have gotten so much bigger and chubbier. When I look at pictures of you from just a few weeks ago, I can hardly believe how much you've changed. While you are getting better at amusing yourself for a little while in your bassinet, you also have perfected your crying style (through LOTS of practice) when you are tired and won't sleep or when you need food NOW. You are already your own little individual. You don't like all those stereotypical baby things like swings, pacifiers, car rides, or vibrating chairs. That's cool, Little Guy. You be you. I love you for it.

Your Daddy and I went out to the frame store last week while your Grandpa Max and La Nona Peggy watched you. It was the first time I was not in the same room with you. The whole time I was out, it felt like I had forgotten something very important, like wearing pants. I know our relationship will always change and evolve. I hope you always look to me for comfort and nurturing and strength.
There are moments when I am drifting off to sleep after nursing you in the middle of the night, and I lie next to you, when I feel I am you. Like we are of the same stuff, just temporarily separated. We drift off to sleep as I still feel your soft little hands on my skin and your amazing sweet baby scent in my head. You are a super concentrated piece of my heart now in the form of a tiny perfect helpless body. When you cry, I have never felt such anguish. But when you smile and 'talk', my heart leaps with a feeling beyond description. Thank God I get to experience that pain and ecstasy through this new connection with you.


Your Mommy

Friday, October 10, 2008

New Grandparents

Mark's Dad, Max, and Step-Mom, Peggy, are out here visiting from Connecticut for the month of October. Aidric is their first Grandbaby. Celebration!
They have been so helpful, bringing food, watching Aidric (even when he cries!), and keeping us company. And they love our Little Man!

La Nona



It is so wonderful to have some help too. And all day alone with baby is wonderful, but sometimes lonely. Having company is a treat. When they leave, who wants to take over?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Grandma Marion and Aunt Holly

Hanging out with Aunt Holly

Gramma Marion, Aunt Holly, and Aidric

Looks like a reach, but was probably a punch!

Mark's Mom, Marion, and his sister, Holly, came to visit from Nashville last week. They were a great help to us. And they were thrilled to meet Aidric, of course. They didn't seem to mind hanging out with us all day at all.

Man, oh, man do I miss having company now that everyone is gone and Mark is back to work. But Little Man keeps me quite busy, and I don't mind looking at him all day. Could do that forever and ever.
Except when finally I see an adult size head, it looks HUGE.

Monday, September 15, 2008

One Month

I would like to steal Dooce's idea and write letters to Aidric. It seems natural to write as if I am talking to him. I want both of us to have these musings later on. So that I can remember these times, which are blurring by at amazing speed. And so Aidric can have this if he is ever curious.


You are a month old. The only thing negative I have to say is that my time with you is going way too fast. You change every day. You continue to do things which astound me. And a month later, my eyes burn wet with tears when I think of your birth. I have a big lump in my throat right now trying to hold in the love. Your Daddy and I are still adjusting to our new improved life with you. I am trying to learn how to fit my own needs into the day. Days which you consume hungrily, like you consume my heart.

The week after you were born, I noticed your eyelashes and eyebrows growing so fast. Your eyelashes are so coppery, and your eyebrows look brownish. Your hair is like nothing I have ever seen - blond roots and brown ends. We love your little foot reflex of wrapping your toes around our finger. You already would "walk" and press your feet into the ground when we hold you up. Yesterday, you pushed yourself over from your tummy to your back. Freaked us out. And just like your parents, you absolutely love to pig out. I think you look just like your Daddy, but I can see a little of me too. You are tall. Everyone remarks so. You can thank your Grandpas for that.

In just one month you have started making these sweet little sounds. "Ah-yoo", "Nghee", and "Hoo". You can track my face or your rattle toy back and forth, up and down. You grab for things, especially my hair. You seem to be focusing on more things, and you can find me with your eyes from across the room. Just the other day, you were in your bassinet, making little sounds and hanging out. I came into the room to check on you, hoping you were drifting off, and when you saw me you did a double take and started to cry for attention. You've already figured out you can manipulate Mommy. Little Stinker.

Oh, and heartaches of all heartaches, you are starting to make tears. I cannot handle that.

This first month has been all about keeping you safe in our home, away from the real world. You are our little treasure that we are keeping all to ourselves. I know it hasn't been too exciting. Just eating, sleeping, diaper changes, and a little playtime on the couch. I melt when I see your Daddy holding you and smiling at you.

We love you so much that it has shocked us. We feel so honored to have you with us and so proud of you already as a person.

Every morning you wake up at dawn. Your eyes are bright and wide awake, calmly looking around in wonder. The traffic noise hasn't started yet. The sky is turning silvery, and we can feel the cool morning air drifting in. This is the sweetest time of the day with you, our special loving time when you smile and coo, and I kiss you a million times. We look at each other, studying the faces we see. I wonder what you are thinking and feeling. As for me, I am thinking that I hope I never take you for granted. I am thinking what a miracle you are. I am feeling completely captive to the love I have for you. My Little Man.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


This beautiful quilt was made by my amazingly talented Step-Mom, Shirley. When I see how much care and work went into the crafting of this quilt, I am blown away. My Dad has sung her praises on his blog. We have been the lucky recipients of her handmade Christmas ornaments and jewelry. Now Aidric has this heirloom that we can hand down through the family.

Thank you so much, Shirley!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Photo Shoot

Two weeks before Aidric was born, Nikki, who shot our wedding photos, was here and took some preggie pictures. They came out amazing of course. Here are some of my favorites.

Outdoor shots are always so nice.

Big ole' belly.

We love to go for long walks down these streets. Can't wait to take Aidric along!

Sunday, September 07, 2008


When a new baby elephant is born, all the females in the herd gather around to shield the laboring mom elephant. When the little one is born they all take turns feeling the baby with their trunks. Aside from proving that elephants are amazing emotional creatures who make strong bonds, it makes me think of how all the wonderful Moms in our family are gathering around us to welcome our new Little Man.

Here is my Mom and Sis, who were out last week. They say they didn't mind traveling 3000 miles just to watch me nurse all day long. Aidric just loved his Grandma and Auntie. And I was so happy to have them here!

And now Mark's Mom and Sis are here! The herd is big and so loving! I am one lucky elephant.

Here is Auntie Teri

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Aidric's Birth Story, Part III

The new nurse, Stacy the Scolder, came over and said, "Oh, yeah. Call Dr. Wu. She's ready to go!" I was awake.

Ana, Mark, and Rebecca helped me sit up. All of a sudden my legs were in these supports, which was necessary because I couldn't move my legs at all. Ana was on my left and Mark on my right, each holding a leg and pulling it toward me when I needed to push. My legs felt like huge dead weights. I had no idea if I was 'pushing' at all, being numb from the waist down, but I guess I was doing it right because I could see more and more of your head with every push. (They had a mirror for me to see.) When the monitor showed a contraction was happening, I pushed as hard as I could. I felt euphoric and trance like. Everything was happening so fast. Seeing what was happening in that mirror and not feeling it was surreal, almost like I was watching someone else. I kept looking at Mark to keep me grounded and focused. My emotions for him were so strong during the whole time. He was now the father of my baby.

Now we were getting worried that Dr, Wu wasn't going to get there in time. They told me to stop pushing, but your tiny head was inching out on it's own. Mark and I looked at each other. Someone had better get down there to catch. Finally, the wirey frame of Dr. Wu appeared, and in a flash he 'made it all blue.' Blue sheets were spread out all over. Dr, Wu was all in blue with a blue mask on. I couldn't see the mirror anymore. I pushed one more time, and your head popped out with a big gush of water which made your Daddy gasp in surprise. Before I had a chance to prepare, I saw you.

Everything disappeared except for you. As your body emerged from mine, you made the sweetest little sounds, and your arms were reaching out. I wish words could describe what I felt, Little Man, when I first saw you. All I can say is I was sobbing then, and I still cry every time I think about it. I knew you, like I had always known you. Like I was reunited with the biggest love of my life that I hadn't seen in a lifetime. I was able to hold you right then for a few seconds. You were warm, soft, and juicy. It is by far the most intense, dreamy, life changing experience I have ever had or ever will have.

They took you right away to the NICU team to clean out your lungs just in case you inhaled any meconium. Daddy went over to cut your umbilical cord. I delivered your placenta, and got a chance to see where you lived for the past 40 weeks. What a cool thing; A vital organ my body makes for you, and then just lets it go.

And then they brought you back over to us. You smelled so strongly of that very human, primal smell. It's like no other scent in the world.

Here is the whole gang:

Mark, me, you, Dr. Wu. Rebecca, and Ana Paula.

You were born at 4:13 am on Thursday, August 14th, weighing 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and 20 inches long.

Then slowly, everyone left. Ana and Rebecca said goodbye, and it was just the three of us. You always hear it said, "Eeeeverything changes when you have a baby." I always figured that meant, of course, that now you have a new completely dependent little person in your life. Your priorities change, your schedules change, your focus changes, your selfishness disappears. But what I was totally unprepared for was this big change in my perception. I feel my whole consciousness has changed. My awareness. Nothing looks the same. Our apartment, our neighborhood, everything once familiar now feels different somehow. I was changed forever in that moment I first saw you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Aidric's Birth Story, Part II

You are two weeks old today, Baby. Little Leo. Little Lionheart. These two weeks have been the fastest in my whole life. I'm a little sad that my time with you already seems to go by too fast. But just a little sad, and it's not enough to affect the bliss of having you here on the outside where I can kiss you and cuddle you. And take your picture.

I am amazed at the changes I can see already. Your eyelashes get longer every day, and your eyebrows are filling in. I think they look like my eyebrows, but hopefully they will turn out to be Daddy's. Your cheeks are getting chubbier and more easily nibbled. You like to power nurse most of the day, and are tending to sleep for longer chunks at night, which makes me so very happy. FYI, Mom is much happier and a better Mom when she gets more than 3 half hour sleep sessions overnight. We have also noticed that as you fall asleep, you get this frightened look on your face and whimper. Like you are not sure what's happening with this whole falling asleep thing. And in those seconds, my heart breaks when I see that frightened look. The entire spectrum of emotions run through me as I observe all your expressions. Your little half smile fills my heart till it bursts, and when you look directly into my eyes, I become a weepy mess.

So onto your birth story:

We were all crowded into the triage area, which was basically this narrow long room with curtains separating all us laboring women. The space was about 8 by 8 feet, and the folks on either side would press into the curtain or push a chair into our space. So Ana Paula, the doula, Rebecca, the midwife, Mark, you, and I were all in this little space. The very sweet nurse, Stacy C., tried a few times to get an IV port into me, blowing out one of my veins. So I got some IV fluids, a pulse thingie on my finger, a fetal heartbeat monitor on my belly, and a innie contraction monitor(it fits in between my uterus and baby's head), which Dr. Wu recommended. Had I known how excruciating it would be to get that thing in, I never would have agreed to it.

So now I have tubes coming out of my arm, my crotch, and a thingie on my finger. And I realize that a contraction while lying down in bed is about ten thousand times more painful than one at home where I could move around and hold onto Mark. And the contractions were getting so strong. I started my rebellious reputation with the nurses by refusing to just lie there. And by eating grapes. Ana and Rebecca were so awesome because they would explain everything to us. What this procedure meant, or do we really need to do this, etc. Because the nurses, as awesome as they were, were so ridiculously overworked and didn't have the time to answer all my questions.

We were there in triage for a little over three hours, so I had time to think about what happened. We had planned and done so much to ensure a beautiful, peaceful, home birth. I had made special music CDs for labor and after. We had all the towels, blankets, and medical stuff all set up. I had visualized, meditated, and dreamed about how your entrance into the world was going to be in your home, calm, surrounded only by loving wise women, your Daddy and me. I knew that the plan was really more for us than for you, Little Man. But it was for you. I didn't want you to be touched first by strangers, in a room full of machines, and getting the toxic effects of my anesthesia and cow derived pitocin.

But I knew we had to make the best of it, and we were going to have fun. You were going to be born soon. How could we not be thrilled? I softened and surrendered to the situation, the situation you seemed to need. I was relaxed and excited too. We finally got a room around 11:30. I was checked (6 cm!). And then a very funny man stuck a needle and tube into my spinal cord. Mark was very uneasy and a little terrified while that was happening. But he stayed strong for me. We decided to give me an epidural to relax my super-cervix so it would finally dilate. Dr. Wu said that it felt like a tight band was there on the cervix and wouldn't stretch any further. So then my legs became numb and paralyzed, and I fell asleep. Woke up around 1:30 am and Ana, Rebecca, and Mark were eating In-N-Out burgers, and I scored some fries. New nurse (also named Stacy) caught me eating and scolded me. I was still 6 cm, so they gave me more pitocin. We all talked and I told them my recipe for whoopie pies, and promised to make them some soon. I fell asleep again, and woke up around 3:40. Ana and Rebecca looked over at me, and they knew immediately. We didn't even need the nurse to check. We could see your little fuzzy head peaking out!

to be continued...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Aidric's Birth Story, Part I

There are many reasons to write your birth story. Because everyone has asked for it. Because I never want to forget the moment I was able to touch you. Because someday you might want to know.

You were born 12 days ago. And this is the first moment I have had to write because we have been completely selfish and in love. You absolutely love to nurse. And I absolutely love to nurse you. This morning, when I was nursing you in bed, Daddy snoozing next to us, you grasped my fingers with your little strong hands like usual. Except, you started to gently, lovingly stroke my index finger with your fingers. It was so deliberate and sweet, that I sobbed tears down onto you.

When you sleep, I sleep. And since you do nothing but nurse and sleep, that's been my life too. Your Daddy has been wonderful; washing our clothes, making food, cleaning up, and video taping every second. Be assured, we have video of you sleeping, eating, waking, looking around, and then sleeping some more.

We have taken you outside a few times to show you the silhouette of the trees against the sky, and feel the breeze on your skin. And so I can get a few minutes of sunshine. I have sung a million songs to you. It's funny, I felt a little weird singing when you were in my belly. Now I can't stop. We call you "Little Man" and "Baby Boy". Yes, I know, very original.

Okay, well onto your story. I wrote before about how, starting on August 4th (your due date), I had 10 days of 'false' labor. There was nothing 'false' about the pain, though. On Monday, August 11th, we went to see Dr. Wu for the Non Stress Test and to see how much amniotic fluid you had around you. Throughout all the contractions, your heartbeat was always so strong. You were always, like, what contractions? And the same went for the test. But your little house was drying up.

Rebecca, wonderful midwife, taking my blood pressure.

To speed things along, I took castor oil, a very tried and true midwife solution to getting labor started. It is by far the most disgusting thing I have ever done. And daddy and I walked and walked. And walked, until I couldn't be far from the bathroom. And again, the contractions came on strong and regular all night long, and again, slowed down towards morning. On Tuesday, we tried acupuncture to get things going again. And they did, full force that evening. We all thought this was it. Your waters broke, nice and clear. But again, things petered out towards morning. We didn't need to worry about infection because we had tested negative for Group B Strep. But by Wednesday your waters started to tinge a little greenish. You had pooped.

Mark, helping me through a contraction.

So Wednesday, after contractions started up again, and I was at 4 cm for most of the day with no further dilation, we decided to go to the hospital for some medical assistance. It seems I have a super strong cervix, one which Dr. Wu said should be studied, because there are so many women with weak ones. So off we went, in rush hour traffic, to the hospital. Ana Paula, our doula, and Rebecca, our midwife, came along.
They had been so patient, coming over so many nights when I was sure that was the night, and then going home in the morning. They are angels in the real world.

We had called ahead, but when we arrived at the hospital, there were no rooms. And we were ushered to the claustrophobic triage area, where my contractions decided to come on again full force.

to be continued.....

Monday, August 18, 2008

Aidric Max Covell

Born August 14th at 4:13 am, 6 lbs, 8 oz, 20 in.

He is everything I ever dreamed.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Prodromal Labor

I wasn't sure if I was going to write about this. Partly because by writing, it becomes more real. And partly because I want to keep positive about this part of the pregnancy. And partly because I don't want to sound negative or complaining.
I am positive and so happy. Positive about the birth and health of Baby Boy. I have had a wonderful pregnancy - being able to go to yoga, and go for walks, and feeling so strong.

But I have not slept since Sunday night. Well, I mean, slept more than 20 minutes at a time, except for a few blissful hours Tuesday night. I have what my midwife calls 'prodromal labor'. Which basically means my uterus is doing all the things that a laboring uterus should do, like contract. A lot. With pain. But with no advancement. And no end. The prodromal, or false labor, hurts just as much as true labor. The only difference is no baby.

During the day, it is better. Something to do with estrogen levels. But since Monday night, the contractions come every 4 to 10 minutes all night long. During the day, I can actually go out and function somewhat normally. But starting at about 1 am and going to 9 am, I am contracting like crazy.

So I have been enduring this for 5 nights. All I can do is pray that true labor will start and end the nighttime torture and sleeplessness. For some women this goes on for weeks. There is nothing I can do. This does not mean there is anything wrong. I am healthy. Baby is healthy. My uterus is just a super uterus, and she likes to really, really prepare and practice. My sanity is paying the price, though. One positive thing - when true labor finally happens, it should seem like a piece of cake compared to this. I hope I didn't just curse myself.

I had never heard of this, even with the stacks of pregnancy books I have read. I just have to sleep and rest when I can. I have loved getting all your notes of excitement and anticipation. And the grandparents-to-be call with hopes of new news. But please accept my apologies for not answering the phone right now, or getting back to you.
I need to just get through this because the most beautiful baby is waiting for me to be strong and be there for him 100%.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Aaaaaannnnd, GO!

We learned in our childbirth classes the signs of early labor. They are:
1. Losing the mucous plug.
2. Breaking of the water.
3. Contractions.

During the first stages of early labor (which can last weeks), the cervix softens, begins to thin out, and dilate. Contractions last from 10 to 45 seconds and are spaced out. One thing they don't dramatize on TV is the 'mucous plug'. What a horrible term. My doula likes to call it 'baby gel'. Much nicer. But they don't tell you that it means you basically leak 'baby gel' constantly for who knows how long. I have to wear Depends now.

Well, Monday night I had signs #1 and #3. And the contractions started very energetically, every 5 minutes. So we were very excited! But by morning , the contractions pretty much subsided. I did not sleep. There is no way one can sleep through contractions. It would be like sleeping through an Indian burn.

So Tuesday goes by without any real contractions. My midwife tells me that this stage of labor can last a week. Now I'm confused and a bit frustrated and very excited. And I get to sleep Tuesday night (heaven). Around 5:30 Wednesday morning, more contractions. But now they feel low and come every 20 minutes or so. And I can sleep in between them.
All day Wednesday, I get occasional contractions. I feel more optimistic that this is a good sign. I can tell Baby Boy is very, very low now. There is nothing like the feeling of a head inside your pelvis.

Well, there is the update. This stage may last a while. But I really hope not. Going to have a good talk with BB tonite about the virtues of punctuality.

Monday, August 04, 2008


40 Weeks! Ding!

Can you believe it?
I still feel so good, even though I have definitely slowed down some and am sleeping more. He has dropped, so I have my healthy appetite back and can eat more than 3 almonds at a time without getting full and getting heartburn. No longer on the 20 Tums a day diet. Amen and halleluja!

I was out to eat the other night, and had to go to the bathroom (of course). As I was waiting in the line (gah!), a girl of maybe 22 turns my way, looks at me and exclaims, "Oh my God! You're pregnant!"
"I am?!?" I said. "Oh, no! I'd better tell my husband!"
Ha Ha.
"When are you due?" Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that!
I swear her eyes bugged out of her head, and she looked at me like I was a live grenade, ready to explode my innards all over her and the bathroom walls. Real fear was in her eyes.
I felt so powerful.

I wonder if I am going to care that pretty soon I will no longer be the topic of all conversations I have. Most of the time, I strangely like it. I never thought I would take to talking about myself so much. But folks seem genuinely interested. Every once and a while I have a conversation and my pregnant state never comes up, and I like that too.

I think I will be ecstatic to have all talk be about the Little Guy instead.

Check this out: