Saturday, August 30, 2008

Aidric's Birth Story, Part III

The new nurse, Stacy the Scolder, came over and said, "Oh, yeah. Call Dr. Wu. She's ready to go!" I was awake.

Ana, Mark, and Rebecca helped me sit up. All of a sudden my legs were in these supports, which was necessary because I couldn't move my legs at all. Ana was on my left and Mark on my right, each holding a leg and pulling it toward me when I needed to push. My legs felt like huge dead weights. I had no idea if I was 'pushing' at all, being numb from the waist down, but I guess I was doing it right because I could see more and more of your head with every push. (They had a mirror for me to see.) When the monitor showed a contraction was happening, I pushed as hard as I could. I felt euphoric and trance like. Everything was happening so fast. Seeing what was happening in that mirror and not feeling it was surreal, almost like I was watching someone else. I kept looking at Mark to keep me grounded and focused. My emotions for him were so strong during the whole time. He was now the father of my baby.

Now we were getting worried that Dr, Wu wasn't going to get there in time. They told me to stop pushing, but your tiny head was inching out on it's own. Mark and I looked at each other. Someone had better get down there to catch. Finally, the wirey frame of Dr. Wu appeared, and in a flash he 'made it all blue.' Blue sheets were spread out all over. Dr, Wu was all in blue with a blue mask on. I couldn't see the mirror anymore. I pushed one more time, and your head popped out with a big gush of water which made your Daddy gasp in surprise. Before I had a chance to prepare, I saw you.

Everything disappeared except for you. As your body emerged from mine, you made the sweetest little sounds, and your arms were reaching out. I wish words could describe what I felt, Little Man, when I first saw you. All I can say is I was sobbing then, and I still cry every time I think about it. I knew you, like I had always known you. Like I was reunited with the biggest love of my life that I hadn't seen in a lifetime. I was able to hold you right then for a few seconds. You were warm, soft, and juicy. It is by far the most intense, dreamy, life changing experience I have ever had or ever will have.

They took you right away to the NICU team to clean out your lungs just in case you inhaled any meconium. Daddy went over to cut your umbilical cord. I delivered your placenta, and got a chance to see where you lived for the past 40 weeks. What a cool thing; A vital organ my body makes for you, and then just lets it go.

And then they brought you back over to us. You smelled so strongly of that very human, primal smell. It's like no other scent in the world.

Here is the whole gang:

Mark, me, you, Dr. Wu. Rebecca, and Ana Paula.

You were born at 4:13 am on Thursday, August 14th, weighing 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and 20 inches long.

Then slowly, everyone left. Ana and Rebecca said goodbye, and it was just the three of us. You always hear it said, "Eeeeverything changes when you have a baby." I always figured that meant, of course, that now you have a new completely dependent little person in your life. Your priorities change, your schedules change, your focus changes, your selfishness disappears. But what I was totally unprepared for was this big change in my perception. I feel my whole consciousness has changed. My awareness. Nothing looks the same. Our apartment, our neighborhood, everything once familiar now feels different somehow. I was changed forever in that moment I first saw you.


Kristin C. said...

So magical, your description of this moment in your life...of how things have changed for you since the birth of your son.

You are a wonderful writer, Joy...and a beautiful mama with a truly Joyful heart. I love reading about your experiance. Thank you for sharing it with us.

ks1k said...

Joy, Mark and Aidric,

I am amazed at how well you do describing the feelings and emotions that you experienced.

Great job of writing. I guess it is just the artist in you. Another form of expression.

Love to all


Lynn said...

That was one of my favorite photos. I never believed the people who said babies can look like wise old men. When do babies start to smile?