Pregnancy

Oh, I could ramble forever on this subject. I could have even before I found out I was pregnant. I have always been completely fascinated with conception, pregnancy, and birth. And for the past several years I have eagerly looked forward to experiencing all these things and to experiencing a tiny, unique, divine life grow right inside my belly. This thing, only 2 1/2 inches big, already moving, with fingernails and even a tiny pancreas, grew from almost nothing. What makes it grow? How does it know what to do? Where the eyelids go and how to make a brain? I have enjoyed meditating on this thought.
And then I ponder on the fact that my egg that helped sprout this little person, that egg, was inside me when I was a fetus inside my Mom in 1971. And that the egg that made me was inside my Mom, inside my Grandma in 1941! This blows me away. Isn't that mind-blowing?
I have just started to enjoy these thoughts only lately. Even though I have known I was pregnant since November 28th, I have been so very, very nauseous literally 24/7, that I have not been able to have one thought other than, "Not going to throw up...not going to throw up...not going..." Mercifully now I am feeling better and now only feel that way 10pm to 6am. I gladly accept the heartburn, constipation, and headaches in exchange. Oh, and I only fit into one pair of my jeans anymore, and none of my bras fit.
I am already focused on how everything I do, feel, think, eat, affects someone else directly. And I am so delighted in this! I accept this responsibility with such open and loving humbleness. I can imagine baby snuggled in my gooey insides and imagine I am already holding the sweet, tiny body in my hands and singing into those tiny ears. These things give me such happiness. I already have a relationship with my baby.

Coming soon... Mark Papa Covell, first belly pics, and more musings. Here is an old pic for now.

Newborn Joy